After looking through my old pictures (the smaller version of me)..yeah sometimes i feel irritated by looking at myself in the mirror. I lack of confidence, in the way i dress, walk and talk . lol. but obviously not love. At times, there’s an ear splitting noise that is extremely and unpleasantly for me to hear. About me being fat of course.. It hurts somehow. Well I don’t mind at all. I think it is best for me to dig a perigi inside my ears and just take it into consideration for me to start dieting soon.
What I miss the most when I’m thinn, of course I get to buy certain clothes that I want, went to class with confident, so that people won’t look at me like I’m some kind of king kong or something. I miss playing netball with full energy and enthusiasm. But the last time I went for netball practice, I can barely run weh..how pathetic is that?
The best part is where this black guy (funop) which used to be my group mate for my accounting class. He went to my house one day to do an assignment, then abruptly, he asked me that I should try his magic powder. I was in doubt what he’s going to do next. Then, he gave me his card where a picture of “before and after” fat girl then became thin because of the product he is selling. How sad is that right, i know!. I was like wtf man..hahaha but terima je kenyataan. sobs.
It is not much different about me lately. Its just that I don’t feel comfortable being myself. I used to hear to benny benassi when i feel ..u know girls..sexy(don’t laugh). Unfortunately, I can’t feel it anymore. I am ashame of myself. I’m hearing to mr.benny now and I can barely move my shoulders. U know what I mean. I miss the old me. I miss my dearly girlfriends. I need them..
Recurrently, I blame kurt for feeding me with too much love and food. Yet, its not him to blame. It ‘s me. If I can literally control my obsession of eating.
So here to 2009 resolutions. I have determined to exercise more and eat less, stop smoking, be a good student and shift to cyber faster. Well people, it was an intriguing tale of a fat girl with high hopes kan… See you all soon. We go yam cha ok?
Love, pinklashesrabbit
